in favor of childhood

Reading Marsha's dilemma about whether to do her son's homework prompted me to write this. This started out as a comment on Marsha's blog but I've got a lot to say so I figured I might as well make this a post here.

Interesting dilemma and very real concerns there about kids in Chinese schools. Just before Steev, my eldest, started primary (grade) school years ago, I too was under a tiny amount of muted pressure from well-meaning family and friends to send him to a Chinese school.

I say tiny and very muted because Hubz and I are notoriously known, on both sides of our families, to be rebels - with a cause, or so we'd like to think. We've left deep and lasting impressions in our family scrapbooks for not walking the walk and not conforming to the norms.

But just to satisfy ourselves that we'd considered all available options before coming to a decision (I didn't want this to come back and haunt me later), I went to a Chinese school nearby to visit with the principal and 'check things out' for myself.

Her question was 'does he have the two years of Chinese kindergarten background to start him off?" And if he doesn't, 'he'll have big problems catching up with our curriculum'.

Well, my answer to her question was no. So I reckoned her comment pretty much answered what would logically have been my next question. My biggest concern, though, was not with Steev catching up. It was with other, bigger issues.

First off, because Hubz and I are both English-educated, it'd be mission impossible for us to guide them. That would mean having to subject the kids to a merry-go-round of tuition (out of class tutoring). So where's there time for our kids to have a childhood if they're being shuttled endlessly from one tuition class to the next?

Then there's that insane mountain of homework. Friends were telling us their children were frequently up past 1 or 2 a.m. plogging away at 'homework they just can't finish'. And which would inadvertently end up with their mothers finishing it up for them so that they could all get some sleep.

So what's the point in that? Homework is meant to reinforce learning, to gauge a child's level of understanding and to enable them to put into practice what they've learnt. If Mom's doing the homework, what possible benefit could there be for the child? None, so far as I can see.

Then there was the issue of discipline. We don't believe in beating our kids, so there's no reason at all for us to even think about allowing someone else to beat them for us. At any rate, I just can't see stuff like forgetting to bring a book or even forgetting to do their homework once or twice as any major indiscipline that warrants beating.

Skye, my youngest daughter, is a kindergarten dropout for this very reason. Skye was slapped by a Chinese school teacher when she and some of the other kids weren't synchronized in their dance routine for the school concert. I pulled Skye out of school that very day.

Beating is never the answer to a disciplinary problem. It only teaches children that hitting's okay. Violence begets violence. So what are we really teaching our kids here?

A highly-controlled highly-regimented environment with little free time for anything other than homework and tuition would stifle a child's sense of creativity and expression. Worse, it might even kill their interest in learning and that would be tragic. It would be like stuffing them into a cookie cutter, only to have them come out the other end all in one shape, stiff and unbending.

Not every child is cut out for these highly-stressful environments. For many, life is a constant struggle of trying to keep up with the next kid. So where's the fun in learning? Where's the fun of discovery? They lose interest in learning. Worse still, they could well lose their self-confidence and self-esteem.

Some parents tell me they have to be happy when their kids scrape by with a borderline passing grade. But why? Why push them to the edge of failure if what you actually want is for them to be that Big Successful Guy in that Big Successful Company doing business with China? I just don't see the rationale behind it.

Well, when all is said and done, I'm pretty sure we've made the right decision with our kids. If not, well, they can always pick up Chinese anytime and still have a childhood to tell their kids about. Put simply, you can never get your childhood back but you can always pick up a language, or two or three even. But then, that's just me.